10 BAD THINGS THAT HAPPENED THIS WEEK

Some of these are like "haha that's bad." Some of them are so bad. Together we can make next week better.
  1. Taylor Swift was sued for plagiarism in "Shake it Off"
    Wow, this lawsuit is dumb. Maybe we could feel worse for Swift if she hadn't tried to copyright the phrase "this sick beat."
  2. Someone made a Chrome extension that lets you bring back Twitter's "favorite" star
    Wow, this is bad. If you can't move on from a subtle change in the user interface of a social media platform then what can you move on from?
  3. Americans are ignoring the Volkswagen diesel emissions scandal and seriously buying more Volkswagens than before
    Wow, America, we honestly care so little about the environment. We care so little that we'll actually support people who broke the very few laws we have to protect this Earth from our dumb behavior.
  4. Someone added "and chill" to a sign at Netflix headquarters
    Wow, this joke is old. All of the cool kids have moved on to "Hulu and kick it."
  5. A robot finger that can push buttons for you
    E.g. Light switches, coffee maker buttons, toaster levers, weirdly shaped light switches as well. Note that you will have to push a button (or several, probably) on your phone to notify the robot finger that you would like it to push an IRL button.
  6. THE SUN DESTROYED MARS' ATMOSPHERE
    Wow, solar winds have completely destroyed the upper atmosphere of Mars, which is why it has experienced global climate change that includes the loss of what were probably once large oceans. Is there life on Mars? There might have been.
  7. A smartphone that is also a vape
    WHY. The site says it costs $499, works with 4G LTE, and.... well that's about it. Maybe it runs Android or maybe it runs a cool new mobile OS based on fluid dynamics. Maybe it has a super fast processor or maybe it's powered by liquid nicotine. THE ULTIMATE VAPORWARE. Maybe this week should just be over already.
  8. NASA is taking applications for new astronauts
    No one at The Verge is qualified.
  9. Hunger Games theme park, as a concept
    Wow, this is hard to imagine suggesting even in a "no judgment" brainstorm suggestion. If you're struggling to understand the appeal of a theme park angled around 1) a yearly competition in which children fight and kill each other until only one's left standing and 2) the subsequent violent, confusing revolution, you're not alone.
  10. Bentley made an app that will read emotions off of billionaires faces and tell them which insanely expensive car to buy
    WOW, SEEMS LIKE THIS MIGHT NOT REALLY WORK. JUST A THOUGHT. The Inspirator app scans your face and then shows you a series of "lifestyle-themed visual stimuli" while measuring your reactions. It's like a tarot card reading! Except instead of telling you if you will find love, it tells you if you will find a custom walnut veneer.