10 OMINOUS THINGS THAT HAPPENED THIS WEEK

Sometimes things happen, and they're not outright bad, but they have whispers of being bad later. You know? They're ominous. Sooner or later we'll find out if they're bad. HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13TH!!!
  1. Sources say that Adele might not put her new album on Spotify
    We will find out in one week if this is true, and then we will know if it's bad. Just to be clear: if true, bad; if not true, great! Assuming you're a Spotify user, which mathematically is pretty likely.
  2. Facebook has launched a news app called Notify, which will send you push notifications from up to 70 different media partners (including The Verge!)
    Seems like a good idea on the surface, right? Becoming more informed and all that. That's until you're in notification hell and every last one of them says "ONE DIRECTION CALLS IT QUITS." Man. That day will be bad.
  3. A rocky Earth-sized exoplanet has been found orbiting a nearby red dwarf star
    A few things about this are cause for concern. 1) "exo" is a chilling prefix, I'm sure you'll agree 2) ALIENS 3) A boring sequel to boring film The Martian? 4) I just made a list within a list, how did we get here?
  4. Tinder has updated its learning algorithm and now lets you view potential matches' job/education history
    No matter what city you're in, you can count on being paired with awful people you went to college with. Congrats!
  5. Ted Cruz' app will award you points for turning over your friends' contact information
    Ted Cruz will presumably use this information to contact voters, OR WORSE.
  6. T-Mobile's Binge On plan lets you stream HBO and Netflix without it counting towards your data plan
    WEEK'S MOST OMINOUS HAPPENING. Binge now, ask questions about net neutrality later. Or as our headline put it recently: "T-Mobile is writing the manual on how to fuck up the internet."
  7. Walmart announced its Black Friday deals
    BLACK FRIDAY AT WALMART, WHY ISN'T THAT ILLEGAL YET?
  8. Xbox promoted the new Tomb Raider game by strapping a bunch of people to a billboard and shooting snow at them out of cannons
    Just seems like this might be a barrel roll down the slippery slope to Hunger Games, but marketing things for mass consumption is very important so don't ask questions.
  9. The new One Direction album came out and there's a song that's more or less an explicit goodbye / we love you /we're never coming back / but KEEP US IN YOUR HEART FOR A WHILE song
    It's not going to be okay.
  10. Facebook is testing Snapchat-like disappearing messages in France
    Nothing lasts. Death comes for all of us. Does Facebook know there has already been a Law and Order: SVU episode about Snapchat? Unlikely.
  11. BONUS ITEM
    Today is Friday the 13th. LOL.