10 RELUCTANT THOUGHTS ABOUT THE SUPER BOWL

I just thought about the Super Bowl but I didn't mean to.
  1. "The Super Bowl is a really good opportunity to hack my smart home and have a cool party for nerds"
    Program your lightbulbs to turn your living room into a disco every time Cam Newton starts dancing!
  2. "I really wish I had seen that movie about football players getting brain injuries so that I would have a good reason to boycott this game"
    Cheat sheet: football helmets do almost nothing to protect from the hits in which a player's head gets twisted. Only direct hits are protected. Direct hits are rare! You can boycott the game if you want.
  3. "Do those people who make Dorito's Super Bowl ads even get paid?"
    Yeah, no.
  4. "Do you think Drake will do a Super Bowl commercial this year?"
    He did! For T-Mobile! Guess that guys acting days are never over.
  5. "Will the sheer radiance of Beyoncé knock the lights out in the stadium again?"
    Obviously!
  6. "How did Uber end up being the only ride-share service at the Super Bowl?"
    Thinking about how Uber accomplishes things will only hurt you and the ones you love.
  7. "Is going to a Super Bowl party worth it just to get pizza?"
    No! You can use your Amazon Alexa to order Domino's now.
  8. "I bet if you lived in San Francisco you could make a fortune renting your spare room on Airbnb this weekend"
    Not true! Of the 10,000 listings in the Bay Area this weekend, about 60% are still available. Not enough football fans and not enough dumb football fans who will pay $1,000 for one night in the Mission district in a crappy apartment.
  9. "What if I don't watch the Super Bowl and then I miss out on a big cultural moment, like Left Shark Part Two?"
    Is FOMO the number one cause of human beings watching the Super Bowl? Please investigate.
  10. "What time is the Super Bowl on anyway?"
    Google it.