ALL THE EPIC WAYS TOM BRADY MIGHT HAVE DESTROYED HIS PHONE TO ESCAPE JUSTICE

by Ross Miller
  1. Brady smashes it with his Super Bowl XLIX MVP trophy.
  2. Brady throws an all-star Hail Mary pass into a brick wall.
  3. Brady watches a "Will it Blend?" video, orders a Blendtec Total Blender from Amazon, and then smashes the phone with the base of the blender.
  4. Brady uses his charm to convince the phone that self-destruction is the best course of action for everyone.
  5. Brady checks Twitter from his phone while taking a shower.
  6. Brady smashes it with his Super Bowl XXXVI MVP trophy.
  7. Brady calls Patriot kicker Stephen Gostkowski to come over and hang out. Gostkowski finds the door open and Brady nowhere to be found. On the kitchen table is Brady's cellphone, a pair of steel toed boots, and a note that simply reads, "You know what to do."
  8. Brady gently places the phone behind the rear wheel of his Bugatti Veyron and then drives over it.
  9. Bugatti leaves the phone in his pocket and jumps in a pool.
  10. Brady smashes it with his Super Bowl MVP XXVII trophy.