RECIPE FOR APPLE CHOCOLATE CHIP CHAI MUFFINS

I needed an activity for my toddler and myself so baking seemed like a good idea.
  1. 1.
    Search for recipe for flax muffins.
    I had a lot of flax seeds, ok?
  2. 2.
    Find recipe that uses apples
    I had an abundance of these, too. Oh look, it uses carrots, too! These are uber healthy!
  3. 3.
    Put toddler on step stool and get him to place apple chunks into the blender.
    This is fun!
  4. 4.
    Make apple sauce.
    This is going great! Vitamix applesauce is so easy.
  5. 5.
    Add flax seeds to mix.
    They have to crack open to get all the goodness out of them. Otherwise you just poop them out.
  6. 6.
    Mix dry ingredients.
    Baby loves dumping them into the bowl.
  7. 7.
    Realize you really only have one kind of flour handy.
    There's wheat flour somewhere but you can't leave the baby alone long enough to get it.
  8. 8.
    Replace all flour in recipe with bread flour.
    Meh. Flour is flour, right? Shh.
  9. 9.
    Realize you have no idea where the cinnamon is. Replace it with clove.
    They're similar, right?
  10. 10.
    With the toddler enthusiastically mixing/making a mess, you just eye ball quantities so you put in way too much clove.
    It gets trick with the baking soda and baking powder but as long as you get the proportions right it's fine, right? I'm not the best chemist.
  11. 11.
    Decide to rename the muffins chai muffins for the reason.
    So. Much. Clove.
  12. 12.
    Find the cinnamon. Add some of that too.
    Definitely a lot of flavor in here now.
  13. 13.
    Realize you have no carrots. Substitute with more apple sauce.
    Why don't we have any vegetables?
  14. 14.
    Realize you have no cranberries. Look for them a little bit because I swear we have some somewhere. But toddler keeps threatening to jump off the stool and he doesn't want to leave his increasingly messy workspace to help you search.
  15. 15.
    Substitute chocolate chips for cranberries.
    Best idea of the day.
  16. 16.
    Cleaning lady walks in and sees the disaster you're letting your child make. You smile and promise to give her a muffin (after you clean everything up).
    It was pretty bad. Why do I do this to myself?
  17. 17.
    Realize you left your muffin tins at the preschool.
    We made epic Halloween cupcakes for the party a couple of weeks ago.
  18. 18.
    Decide to make apple chocolate chip chai bread instead.
    Eff it, we have come this far so why not.
  19. 19.
    Pop them in the oven. Set timer to 30 minutes arbitrarily.
  20. 20.
    Spot the muffin tins as soon as you walk out of the kitchen.
  21. 21.
    Run back into the kitchen, grease up one of the tins and pour the mixture into it.
  22. 22.
    Take them out after 18 mins once the toothpick comes out clean.
  23. 23.
    Give one to the cleaning lady, who is on her dinner break.
  24. 24.
    Later, she politely says she ate it because the baby made it and that she liked the chocolate chips.
    Her laugh tells you she didn't like the rest.
  25. 25.
    Whatever. At least she got some omega 3s and fiber from the flax.
    I ended up eating three muffins myself. The clove numbed my mouth a bit. But no one else will eat them. And the chocolate chips are good.