Failed Pledge Drive Pitches

We have to keep our tote bags and mugs very well-stocked. Otherwise we get other ideas.
  1. Brian Lehrer will leave a message on your enemies' answering machine like Liam Neeson in 'Taken.'
  2. Make a contribution and receive a $20 gift card to RadioShack.
  3. Receive a Tote Goat. It's a goat you can hang your tote bags on.
  4. Sustaining members will be entered in a sweepstakes to have Robert Krulwich MC your son's bar mitzvah.
  5. Get a copy of ‘Beyond the WNY-Sea,’ an album of standards sung by all of our hosts.
  6. Get either a Bluetooth speaker or get to punch a guy wearing a Bluetooth headset.
  7. Alec Baldwin will reenact his famous scene from Glengarry Glen Ross on your coworkers.
  8. Pledge $100 today, and Leonard Lopate will get "WNYC LYFE" tattooed across his knuckles.
  9. Make a contribution before noon and be entered in a contest to win the Anna Sale Boat.
  10. Sustaining members will join Brian Lehrer on a field trip to throw snowballs at Rudy Giuliani's house.
  11. Pledge today and Brooke Gladstone will make you her special "On the Meat-ia Lovers" pizza.
  12. This pledge drive's highest donor will become the Yankees' new starting shortstop.
  13. Dan Pashman will tell your friend Greg to stop making grilled cheeses will Kraft American Singles. Goddammit, Greg!