The dark side of Facebook stalking the woman you've decided you're in love with after one dating app conversation.
  1. No pictures other than the ones on the app.
    It's important to check out the Facebook or Instagram page if she links to it, as the real goods are in their tagged pictures (aka The Ones They Couldn't Or Don't Know How To Veto When They Have Poor Posture Or A Weird Face That Just Might Be Their Natural Face). But not even one bonus picture in the bunch. No problem, it's not that important. She seems cool, and really gets my sense of humor already.
  2. No entertainment likes.
    Curious. Surely she accidentally would have liked Adele or Billy Joel or something. At least it's not a situation in which you get to a woman's music likes and see every dude is in a cowboy hat and all their names are Trace or Blaze. When that happens, you know you won't be getting to DJ your own wedding like you had dreamed.
  3. Her favorite sports teams are all from her home state.
    So she likes the Patriots. She was born there, she can't help that. It does not specify if she also likes robots and murderers, so she's still all right, despite the fact that most of her games and my Steelers games will compete for the 1PM timeslot. Note to self: buy second TV for different room. Note to self: upgrade to The Kingston apartment floorplan to acquire second room for second television.
  4. 90% of her home page consists of links to Fox News stories.
    They're all animal-related, and cute animals (that I'm somewhat allergic to) at that, so maybe she saw the links elsewhere on Facebook, possibly from her uncle's page? Uncles love Fox News. Hopefully he is still back in her hometown or somewhere we won't need to go for anything other than his funeral. Note to self: say something nice to him in his casket to make up for such a cruel thought. I'm sure he's a good guy, just set in his ways.
  5. With no cheeky irony, says jet fuel can't melt steel beams.
    On 9/11 two years ago, she posted a link to a YouTube video (with her added comment "WTC7 HOW??") that's mostly a guy wearing a mask and an American flag bandana putting far too much faith in the broken promises of a 1970's architect. He cites plenty of evidence, but his slideshow is all 150x150 stills of explosions. Video made with default settings in Windows Movie Maker. This is alarming, but some of his crackpot theories at least give the appearance of being structurally sound (so to speak).
  6. She is one of four members of an IMPEACH OBAMA Facebook group.
    Jesus CHRIST. Is she completely anti-government? All right, maybe this is her uncle again, and she's just being a good niece. Nope, she liked the group's profile picture, a picture of Obama with a Hitler mustache and the Ghostbusters thing around his head. In that group, there is just one other post, which is a YouTube link to John Fogerty's "Centerfield."
  7. TWO false flag Sandy Hook links??
    I was already thinking about having children with this woman, oh my freaking God.