Or just propose with no medical involvement. Ranked.
  1. Oreo Cookies
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    I've been trying to eat healthier recently, after a pediatrician refused to date me because of my "dad bod," despite my insistence that it was just this baggy novelty shirt I was wearing. I'm now smelling the Oreos when packing them into my son's lunchbox, like a drug lord in a cocaine-themed movie. If a woman were to use this as perfume, it would give me 2 reasons to laugh if we were ever in bed and she said "EAT ME." "Why are you dunking my fingers in that popcorn bowl of milk?" she might ask.
  2. Play-Doh
    I'm not kidding around here. If my lady kept a powdered version of Play-Doh in a compact and applied it at various intervals throughout an evening at the Opera, it would all but guarantee a roll in the hay, or between my palms. Either way, get started on this, Clinton Foundation.
  3. Cotton Candy
    This is ranked last for a reason. While I was face-first in a bag of cotton candy moments ago, all eight of my fingers and just one of my thumbs long since coated with wet truffula, I thought back to a woman I knew who used to put this very scent between her breasts. I wouldn't have married her - she was crazy - but yum!