Scents a Woman Could Apply if They Wanted Me to Wake From a Coma & Propose in Front of a Tired Nurse
Or just propose with no medical involvement. Ranked.
- •Oreo CookiesI've been trying to eat healthier recently, after a pediatrician refused to date me because of my "dad bod," despite my insistence that it was just this baggy novelty shirt I was wearing. I'm now smelling the Oreos when packing them into my son's lunchbox, like a drug lord in a cocaine-themed movie. If a woman were to use this as perfume, it would give me 2 reasons to laugh if we were ever in bed and she said "EAT ME." "Why are you dunking my fingers in that popcorn bowl of milk?" she might ask.
- •Play-DohI'm not kidding around here. If my lady kept a powdered version of Play-Doh in a compact and applied it at various intervals throughout an evening at the Opera, it would all but guarantee a roll in the hay, or between my palms. Either way, get started on this, Clinton Foundation.
- •Cotton CandyThis is ranked last for a reason. While I was face-first in a bag of cotton candy moments ago, all eight of my fingers and just one of my thumbs long since coated with wet truffula, I thought back to a woman I knew who used to put this very scent between her breasts. I wouldn't have married her - she was crazy - but yum!