Star Wars: The First Showing: The Line

A brief distraction as we enter the last hour before the screening.
  1. People in line make me wish I had Marshall McLuhan with me.
    "The last one came out in 84," this guy says. EIGHTY-THREE!!!!!
  2. I can't tell if half of these people are being judged for a Bib Fortuna lookalike contest, or if they are actually just sweaty nerds in robes with tentacle-like hair.
  3. Some of these guys' girlfriends are actually very attractive.
    The guy in front of me in the old Chewbacca costume somehow bagged a Pre-Fame Tina Fey. I would have appreciated you, Pre-Fame Tina Fey.
  4. I almost want to give up my prime seat because of the inane theories the people next to me are spouting.
    Steven Spielberg is directing the Boba Fett movie? What? What?
  5. Somehow I have managed to get through the week without reading or overhearing any gigantic spoilers.
    I've never been prouder of myself in my whole life. Other than being the father of this son right here.
  6. EDIT TO ADD: Guy in full Jedi regalia tripping over his own robe and taking a header into the token older lady, the "Line Mama."
  7. Also, a guy standing dead center of the theater, just facing all of us and eating a BB-8 sized popcorn as he pontificates on the deeper meaning of the lightsaber. Of course he moved to shake buttery hands with a member of his audience when I was taking his picture.
  8. A touching moment when my son saw his old teacher sitting down a few rows ahead.
    In stark contrast to the time I saw a beloved English teacher from high school at a book store with an armful of porn mags 35, 40 deep.
  9. This guy just showed up wearing a Walter Payton jersey, incredulous that he was unable to secure a good seat with 15 minutes to go before the first showing of a Star Wars movie.