Things I've Almost Said to Women Since Friday

[from 7/29/13]
  1. "If this bus stop is my own personal TV show, you're my favorite character."
  2. "If this bus stop is my own personal porn move, it'd be called 'Bus Stop: Fuck Version.'"
  3. "I almost gave you a 'Hey, it's Friday' present, but I ate the cookie I bought when I realized I'm not supposed to have learned your name yet, let alone have it written in frosting on a cookie by a baking professional."
  4. "Wow, you must use the purple hairspray! You smell like grape."
  5. "Yeah, but I've read it before. If you were a book, I'd never skim you."
  6. "If you were a book, I'd buy you a new dust jacket every week."
  7. "Hey, I like your...pants."
  8. "You wanna come over to my place, talk about what it was like in the 1990s sometime?"
  9. "People tell me I look like Han Solo."
  10. "You're so hot, you could be a drug dealer's girlfriend, easy!"
  11. "You're so pretty, if I had a restaurant, you'd get free food all the time!"
  12. "Please tell your boyfriend to stop hitting me."