Advice for Breakups
- •If you break up but are still on the same lease, saw your house in half so you each get an equal piece.
- •Avoid feeling lonely by taking up a fun, wholesome hobby, like hiking or morphine addiction.
- •Literally chase your blues away by running naked past a pack of hungry wolves. You'll be too scared to remember why you're sad!
- •Eat your body weight in blueberry donuts, just like you used to do every day before you started dating.
- •Bang their hot cousin.
- •Fill their leftover clothes with a pillow, start introducing your friends to your new pillow partner.
- •Adopt a pet dog, name it after your ex, then slowly revert to the same behavior that drove your ex away from you in the first place.
- •Remember that, no matter how bad it feels, at least you'll never feel as bad as Eddie Murphy after he lost his Oscar.