Assumptions I Have About Celebrities

These are true, right?
  1. January Jones
    January Jones walks into a room at the end of every day, sits down, and quietly waits for morning while staring at a wall
  2. Steve Zahn
    Steve Zahn's best friend is a penguin he bought with his salary from Sahara
  3. Danny DeVito
    Danny DeVito is a Jim Henson puppet brought to life by the wish of an alcoholic child
  4. Haley Joel Osmont
    Haley Joel Osmont left his childhood behind on the battlefields of Vietnam
  5. Pippa Middleton
    Pippa Middleton has a Kate Middleton Voodoo doll that is only capable of making her sister pregnant. Kate Middleton will have 30 children.