Assumptions I Have About My Friends, Vol 1 📂

I've known them all for years, but there are still a few mysteries. As requested by @Nicholas, part of @john's draft week.
  1. Nicholas owns a different tuxedo for every day of the year. Every January first, he burns the previous year's tuxedos in a cleansing ritual
  2. @nbaida
    Despite not being Catholic, Nikki will one day be elected Pope. Her reign shall be bloody and merciless
  3. @carolinek
    Caroline once threw a party so fancy, God himself couldn't get an invitation
  4. @cpinho
    When Chris marries and settles down, he shall have three daughters that he names Tiberius, Octavius, and Caligula
  5. Aviv owns a slip n slide made of tequila
  6. Katie's roommate isn't a human like she claims, but rather a chubby orange cat that works hard and pays taxes
  7. Greg says he's a Hufflepuff, but is a total Gryffindor. We know this because Greg actually attended wizard school, K-12
  8. Gabby is better known by her stage name, Sir Ian McKellan
  9. Nick and Cincinnati Bengals Quarterback Andy Dalton are kissin' cousins
  10. Trevor Morrow is pulling an elaborate, Mrs. Doubtfire-esque con on all of us. He's really a parakeet in people clothes.
  11. Danielle wasn't born, but rather created in a lab by combining the DNA of Bill Belichick and Frank from "It's Always Sunny"