These are the best months
  1. January
    The start of the year. Everyone make a resolution!
  2. Febutastrophy
    All boat crashes happen this month
  3. Smarch
    Lousy weather
  4. Avril
    Named after the Canadian goddess of skateboards
  5. Mandatory S'more Month
    By act of congress
    Only celebrated in Massachusetts
  7. Labor Month
    All men must work. All women must give birth WHILE working, because paid maternity leave is for those commies in Mexico
  8. The Sacrifice
    One must perish so that all may live. The volcano feeds on souls
  9. Christmas
    It lasts 400 days. 415 if the volcano is satisfied