Let's be honest: if you're on here, you're pretty good at this already. Here's some suggestions.
  1. Tell him "I wish you would dress up like mom, so that I could have two moms instead of just one"
  2. Not be your better brother, Kevin
  3. Only apply to colleges with the word "Art" in the name
  4. Get chorus role rather than lead in big school play
  5. Dig hole to China, give up when you reach earth's mantle like a quitter
  6. On day of championship football game, drop crucial pass while crying out "Milk! Milk! Baby needs his Milk!
  7. Eat twin in womb
  8. Take time off from college to backpack around Europe as a heroin mule
  9. Get face tattoo of entire 9/11 commission report
  10. Become VICE President of America
    This is a family of winners, damn it