Cars I Have Owned: A Love Story

  1. Gold Ford Explorer - "The Shopping Cart"
    The OG. My high school sweetheart. You were a hand-me-down gift from my dad. You handled like, well, a shopping cart. I drove you triumphantly the day I got my license, the day I lost my virginity, and the day I got into Emerson. Sure, I beat the hell out of you, but I was young and inexperienced. You brought me and several Scottish men to Virginia, then aided in our escape three days later. Fuckin' George Mason frat boys.
  2. Red Mini Clubman - "Scooty Puff Jr."
    My graduation gift. My promise of a new future in LA. My chariot for two of the best weeks of my life spent with my beautiful girlfriend. You survived a summer in Boston, a trip across the country, and countless terrible jobs. But you always kept me safe and happy.
  3. White Volkeswagen Eos - "The Queen Ann"
    My daily reminder of the beauty and grace that was my mother. I inherited you under terrible circumstances, but you've kept me safe and warm ever since. I love you, car, as you're the closest I can get to my mother