1. "It was all dry and scaly, just like my older brother told me it would be."
    Static
    Jeremy Renner
  2. "I remember him being tall. Like, 9 feet or so. I had to climb in the roof of a bus just to reach him."
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    Kylie Minogue
  3. "Firm, like a fisherman's handshake."
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    Vladimir Putin
  4. "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST IT WAS WITH ROBIN THICKE FML."
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    Paula Patton
  5. "I've never actually kissed another human being, but I've kissed my fair share of basketballs. And Spaldings kiss the best."
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    Stephen Curry
  6. "It was in the church basement with a bunch of people holding candles watching. They were all chanting Latin. And then, six days later, Jenna was born."
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    Laura Bush
  7. "I never saw her again after that night. Some say she was a ghost, others an albino raccoon. But man was it special."
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    Donald Sutherland
  8. "Tara Reid. 1998 VMA after party. She tasted like cigarettes and kept calling me 'Lou Bega.' Best night of my life."
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    Sisqo