Dates I've Been on (in 5 Words or Less)

Inspired by @dcerruti
  1. Drank from bottle, witches came.
  2. "I'm Joe Biden's secret daughter."
  3. Just a dog wearing glasses.
  4. All natural flax seed enemas.
  5. She got arrested halfway through.
  6. Lion ate me, she laughed.
  7. Gave birth to future self.
  8. Made us Denver omelette, cried.
  9. New Yorker cartoon, but real.
  10. Met during heist gone awry.
  11. Took kidneys, sent a card.
  12. She was really Mr. Mets.
  13. Ate a whole killer whale.
  14. Nobel Prize for Doing It.
  15. Favorite movie: "Ernest Scared Stupid."
  16. She's from Venus, couldn't breathe.
  17. Saved the world, just hugged.
  18. A mannequin come to life.
  19. Hand stuff, dog was watching.
  20. Ate a sandwich after sex.
  21. Queen of all the ants.
  22. Best Puerto Rican Day ever.