Dear Niall Horan, Please Stop Murdering My Friends You Sick Son of a Bitch

Inspired by @MTV
  1. Look, I get it. You're a super popular guy. I mean, look how cute you are in those glasses!
  2. But you know what's not cute?
  3. Stalking and executing me and my best friends through this abandoned amusement park.
  4. I understand that fame can be a guided cage.
  5. I totally get that you'd want to find new and novel ways to feel excitement again.
  6. But serial killing while wearing a pig's head as a mask isn't the way to do it.
  7. I didn't complain when you dropped Rodney off the top of that spooky Ferris wheel.
  8. I didn't make a peep when you decapitated Kendra on that haunted roller coaster.
  9. I didn't even make that much of a fuss when you tied the bodies of all my friends and closest family members to the front of bumper cars and smashed them together on an orgy of blood and viscera.
  10. But now I'm the only one left, hiding from you in the abandoned hall of mirrors.
  11. So, I'm begging you.
  12. Just leave me alone, you sick son of a bitch.