Joke Topics That Would Be Allowed and Not Allowed at My Roast

  1. ALLOWED: That time at summer camp when was waterskiing and fell down and my swim trunks got ripped off me and I cried.
  2. ALLOWED: That time I got drunk and peed in what I thought was my dorm toilet, but turned out to be the bottom drawer of my desk.
  3. ALLOWED: That time I broke up with someone while naked and had to run out of her room to a friend's to dress myself.
  4. ALLOWED: That time at summer camp I got thrown off a horse and onto a literal pile of shit.
  5. ALLOWED: That time I fell asleep on the toilet after a particularly raucous 4th of July.
  6. ALLOWED: That time I got chased out of Virginia by a bunch of George Mason frat boys.
  7. ALLOWED: That time I got drunk and shouted at "I Am Legend" in front of a packed theatre.
  8. ALLOWED: That time I ruined Christmas for the children of the cast and crew of TV's "Cougar Town."
  9. ALLOWED: That time I got drunk at Harvard and left a trail of destruction on my way back to Emerson.
  10. NOT ALLOWED: Anything from middle or high school. Way too painful.