Lesser Known Republican Presidential Candidates
Super crowded field this year
- •Tip RansomCongressman from Utah. His life story was made into the movie "Ransom" starring Mel Gibson
- •Bort HawthorneRancher from Delaware. Tried to reinstitute slavery, but only in Wilmington
- •A. LligatorFormer governor of Florida. Definitely a human male, and NOT an alligator in a top hat and monocle.
- •Bethesda MontgomerySenator from Maine. Executive Branch in the streets, Judicial Branch in the sheets
- •Dig SkipperAlderman from Colorado Springs. An experimental Air Force drone that gained sentience and decided to run for office
- •Billiam McChristJudge of Methenberg County, AL. Claims to be a direct descendant of Stonewall Jackson's cousin.
- •Shoop PenuckleMayor of Texas. Secessionist, but just because he opposes paying taxes into the EPA.
- •Dorp KardashianR-CA. The first Kardashian in Kongress.
- •A Large Pile of American FlagsThis pile of Kirkland-brand American flags is anti-Union and pro-imperialism. Fuck yeah!