Lesser Known Republican Presidential Candidates

Super crowded field this year
  1. Tip Ransom
    Congressman from Utah. His life story was made into the movie "Ransom" starring Mel Gibson
  2. Bort Hawthorne
    Rancher from Delaware. Tried to reinstitute slavery, but only in Wilmington
  3. A. Lligator
    Former governor of Florida. Definitely a human male, and NOT an alligator in a top hat and monocle.
  4. Bethesda Montgomery
    Senator from Maine. Executive Branch in the streets, Judicial Branch in the sheets
  5. Dig Skipper
    Alderman from Colorado Springs. An experimental Air Force drone that gained sentience and decided to run for office
  6. Billiam McChrist
    Judge of Methenberg County, AL. Claims to be a direct descendant of Stonewall Jackson's cousin.
  7. Shoop Penuckle
    Mayor of Texas. Secessionist, but just because he opposes paying taxes into the EPA.
  8. Dorp Kardashian
    R-CA. The first Kardashian in Kongress.
  9. A Large Pile of American Flags
    This pile of Kirkland-brand American flags is anti-Union and pro-imperialism. Fuck yeah!