- •A Miami doctor was arrested after a video of her physically assaulting an Uber driver was posted online. Her bail was set at 1.5 times the normal rate due to surge pricing.
- •Rapper Macklemore has released a new song titled “White Privilege.” In response, Kendrick Lamar released his new song, “No Shit.”
- •Fifty thousand dollars in bull semen was stolen from a California farm this week. The thief can’t wait to celebrate, but kind of wants to brush his teeth first.
- •Super Bowl 50 is being played in two weeks. The game is fifty years old, giving it a longer life expectancy than anyone who’s ever actually played football.
- •Winter Storm Jonas hit the East Coast this weekend, bringing with it power outages, traffic accidents, and, on Monday, an alarming shortage of home pregnancy tests.
- •A Saudi cleric has decreed that chess is “forbidden in Islam” because it’s considered a form of gambling. However, he reversed his position when he heard Bobby Fischer’s thoughts on Israel.
- •A British man must give police 24 hours notice if he plans on having sex. When reached for comment, the man said, “Oh, I don’t need that long.”
- •Tinder now has built-in features to help users find the nearest STD testing center. Users can go in for a test, then promise to get it breakfast and never see it again.