So, You Have an Alien Inside of You

We've all been there: you land on an abandoned planet just to be attacked by a squid-creature and have it deposit it's eggs in your chest. This is a helpful guide to plan what to do next
  1. Remove the squid-creature currently wrapped around your face and throat
    This is paramount: less time on your face equals more time to enjoy your remaining days! The ovipositor will be difficult to remove from your throat, so make sure it's done by a licensed medical professional or a medical droid specifically calibrated for the elderly billionaire stowing away on your ship.
  2. Establish where the creature came from
    You've probably been in a coma for a few hours. Ask your crew mates how you came into contact with the creature. Did you accidentally break an electrical field covering a room full of eggs while investigating a distress beacon? Or did you open an urn full of black goo while researching humanity's origins? Details are important, people
  3. Read "The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care" by Dr. Benjamin Spock
    That ovipositor might have left you with a little surprise! Embrace the roll of motherhood, regardless of your sex, while learning basic tips about parenting
  4. Lunch
    You've been through a lot. Kick back and enjoy a nice meal with your friends. Nothing bad will happen. Probably. Just do yourself a favor and wear a loose-fitting shirt.