Things Donald Trump Could Do That Wouldn't Prevent Him From Being the Republican Nominee
- •Take a literal shit on the Bill of Rights.
- •Chase Angela Merkel around the UN while shouting "Ahrooooooooogah" like a horny cartoon wolf.
- •Eat thick, Texas-style chili out of Lincoln's skull.
- •Rename Trump Taj Mahal "The David Duke Center For The Eradication Of Diversity."
- •Sucker punch Pope Francis.
- •Make a sex tape starring himself and a swimming pool full of hundred dollar bills.
- •Call veterans "The biggest collection of pussies I've ever seen."
- •I can't think of any more jokes. This whole thing is genuinely fucking terrifying.