THINGS THAT COULD HAPPEN BEFORE THE ELECTION THAT I WOULDN'T FUCKING BAT AN EYE AT BECAUSE, JESUS...

  1. Donald Trump declares himself Emperor of Wrestlemania.
  2. Hillary Clinton announces she's secretly married to a private email server.
  3. Trump stages a rally that's solely a wet t-shirt contest between his first and last favorite daughters.
  4. Julian Assange pulls off a mask, revealing himself to be an Ex Machina-style Turing test robot that has an axe to grind against the Clinton family.
  5. Trump straight-up punches a foreign dignitary.
  6. Clinton refers to the Midwest as "Satan's anal fissure."
  7. Gary Johnson and Jill Stein form into a Voltron-like being that still can't capture 10% of the vote.
  8. Utah secedes in the friendliest (yet still homophobic) Civil War ever.