1. "Like most Michigan voters, I value Trump's honesty."
    Static
    Michael, Grand Wizard
  2. "It's like a history lesson come to life! Specifically, Germany between 1939-1945."
    Static
    Dale, Reenactor
  3. "He gave me $20 and the nuclear launch codes in return for an OTP handy, so he supports small business."
    Static
    Anna, Intelligence Analyst
  4. "Trump grabbed me right by the heart and wouldn't let go, no matter how many times I tearfully begged him to."
    Static
    Joe, Video Personality
  5. "Sometimes you just want to blow it all up and start over."
    Static
    Timothy, Security Guard
  6. "I heard that if you need help that you should tell the 911 operator you want to order pizza. So, I guess I want to order a pizza."
    Static
    Tiffany, Heiress
  7. (A series of unprintable racial and misogynistic slurs).
    Static
    Pepe, Hate Incarnate
  8. "Check Mate, dingleberries."
    Static
    Vladimir, Despot