As a social experiment, I decided I would like to know what it was like to live as popular monarch Queen Elizabeth II. Using the latest in science and medical technology, I was able to successfully transform myself into an elderly British royal for seven days. Here's what I learned
  1. The before picture
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    Me in my everyday dress
  2. The after picture
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    Pretty flawless transformation
  3. You get to drink as much as you want and nobody can say shit
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    When you're the queen, no bartender's cutting you off. After all, you can have them executed
  4. They let you hunt one unicorn a week
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    Their blood is silver, just like in Harry Potter!
  5. You get to fuck Putin on the reg
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    Best part of being a queen is sticking it to Putin whenever you feel like it
  6. Kids give you flowers for, like, no reason
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    Just out for a little stroll? BOOM! FLOWERS! Kids can't get enough of that shit
  7. Your children are a disappointment
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    Look at these fucking rejects. I truly know shame now
  8. Your grandchildren are an even bigger disappointment
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    We used to have an EMPIRE, damn it. There's no way a baby in a dress is following in MY footsteps
  9. Corgis are the real treasure
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    After spending seven days reigning over the tatters of the British monarchy, I learned that the most important things in life have four legs and cute widdle tummies. Over all, a successful week of being the queen!