What I Learned From Living as Queen Elizabeth Ii for a Week

As a social experiment, I decided I would like to know what it was like to live as popular monarch Queen Elizabeth II. Using the latest in science and medical technology, I was able to successfully transform myself into an elderly British royal for seven days. Here's what I learned
  1. The before picture
    Me in my everyday dress
  2. The after picture
    Pretty flawless transformation
  3. You get to drink as much as you want and nobody can say shit
    When you're the queen, no bartender's cutting you off. After all, you can have them executed
  4. They let you hunt one unicorn a week
    Their blood is silver, just like in Harry Potter!
  5. You get to fuck Putin on the reg
    Best part of being a queen is sticking it to Putin whenever you feel like it
  6. Kids give you flowers for, like, no reason
    Just out for a little stroll? BOOM! FLOWERS! Kids can't get enough of that shit
  7. Your children are a disappointment
    Look at these fucking rejects. I truly know shame now
  8. Your grandchildren are an even bigger disappointment
    We used to have an EMPIRE, damn it. There's no way a baby in a dress is following in MY footsteps
  9. Corgis are the real treasure
    After spending seven days reigning over the tatters of the British monarchy, I learned that the most important things in life have four legs and cute widdle tummies. Over all, a successful week of being the queen!