What I Learned From the Super Bowl

  1. Doritos can induce labor.
  2. Dachshunds are THE GOD DAMNED CUTEST, and I will buy whatever mustard they are selling.
  3. Alex Baldwin throws swank-ass parties.
  4. Priuses are super useful when you're committing felony larceny.
  5. Drake is GREAT at taking notes.
  6. Honda just spent, like, a billion dollars on Uber rides. Thanks, guys.