What Products Will Apple Reveal on Wednesday?
Apple has a massive product launch scheduled for Wednesday. With China's economy on free fall and Apple Watch tanking, what new products will Apple introduce to turn it all around?
- •Rose Gold Apple TVYou know, for tacky people. $499.99
- •IOS GutsFinally, an Apple-branded operating system for your insides. $1599.99 a month, or they'll "flip the switch." Totally worth it for in-retina push notifications
- •My Lil' Wozniak DollComes complete with good nature and feelings of betrayal. $14.99
- •Apple SundialThe "5C" version of the Apple watch. Requires solar energy. $299.99
- •5 inch MacBook Pro RetinaThe smallest screen ever on a MacBook! 8 trillion PPI, on a laptop that can fit in the pocket of your skinny jeans. $1768.99
- •Apple CarsLike Uber, but native to the iTunes ecosystem. $18.99 per mile
- •Safari PlatinumA whole new web browser for premium users. Get faster d/l times while hobnobbing with other early adopters. Comes with a sticker for your car to show others how you spend your money! $945.99 annually
- •iPupA corgi with an iPhone 6 taped to it. $2000
- •Apple Store HomeA 200 square foot, fully functional Apple Store, permanently attached to your living room. No more waiting in line to purchase a new phone! Starting at $14999.99
- •iPhone 6sThe same phone as last year, except they stuffed this one full Adderall. $399.99, requires prescription
- •Genius Bar nutrition logApple's Soylent. Made out of recycled Apple Newtons and yeast, these are the same bars that Apple salespeople are required to eat eight times a day. $59.99/two pack