1. Gryffindor
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    You're arrogant AF, but it's cool because your parents were murdered.
  2. Slytherin
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    You're into the wizarding equivalent of ISIS. Enjoy unmitigated evil, asshole.
  3. Hufflepuff
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    You're in the magic version of the friend zone. Three cheers to a lifetime of mediocrity!
  4. Ravenclaw
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    You are very, very boring.
  5. Dildonicus
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    You never actually read the Harry Potter books.