5 INSULTING THINGS MY FRIENDS HAVE SAID TO ME OUT OF LOVE (NO, SERIOUSLY)

  1. "Knock on wood" (while tapping my head)
  2. "That scrawny body generates heat???"
  3. "I like you because you're putzy"
  4. "I love you. But you're a klutz."
  5. "I was going to dress as you for Halloween, but my socks reject high socks with shorts."