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These are a list of things that every adult should not do.
  1. STOP using COMIC SANS as a font
    Look story time is over! Put the crayons away and don't choose a font that resembles a older man trying to relate to today's youth! I'll take Ariel, Century Gothic... Hell give me Times New "I have no imagination" Roman. Just put the damn Comic Sans away!
  2. Wearing Bow ties
    Today I saw a lawyer on tv wearing a bow tie and I immediately wanted him to loose his case. We are not in Pee Wee's playhouse! You are not James Bond! Unless you are staring in a barber shop quartet or working at 1950s ice cream shop wear a Neck Tie!...small addendum to this is that if you are over the age of 65 you can wear all the Bow Ties you want...ADORABLE!
  3. Have large pythons as pets
    Yep allow me to pause for those that are shocked and awed by me for marginalizing an entire species....done? Good. I don't like snakes but that isn't the point. If your in high school and you want to feel like a badass fine! Get yourself a baby Python and impress your friends. If you are a grown adult then owning a snake has moved from a fun talking point to a codependent relationship with an animal that is silently waiting for you to leave his cage open and fall asleep so he can strike!
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Don't know why but these are things I am totally unashamed about but still I harbor guilt for enjoying
  1. Walker Texas Ranger
    Don't care what season I love me some chuck Norris
  2. The Movie Enough with J Lo
    I watch it every damn time it's on tv
  3. The golden girls
    I'm not at all embarrassed I have always loved this show and I always will
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These are simple things that are continually frustrating me day to day. Yes they are all first world problems...I am well aware.
  1. Drive thru pharmacies
    Yes, drive thru was made for its convenience and speed. I have found the drive thru pharmacy to be twice as long as if I had gone to the tropical forest and crushed the plants myself into the Prilosec that keeps me eating the tacos that I love. Yes! I could go into the pharmacy or the system of the drive thru could live up to expectation.
  2. Walmart has seventeen checkout lanes with only 3 cashiers.
    Listen I am all about job growth and if the demand is there the jobs should be too. Come on Walmart! I love your prices and thank you for having cost effective groceries now get in the economic game and hire some more people.
  3. When I ask for a side of ketchup at a restaurant and they bring me a baby Dixie cup sized thimble of ketchup.
    Do I need the extra sodium...No. Do I want it...Yes! Look if I am paying 12 dollars for a burger that is clearly the highlight of my evening. Help a brother out a just leave me the bottle.
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Not all advice is deep, it's just true.
  1. Never share soup... You might as well be drinking another persons saliva
  2. Mechanics are like doctors...they can mess you up so show respect.
  3. On a tall man suspenders are classy vintage on a short man suspenders are not that.
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