Things That Everyone Should Stop Doing
These are a list of things that every adult should not do.
- •STOP using COMIC SANS as a fontLook story time is over! Put the crayons away and don't choose a font that resembles a older man trying to relate to today's youth! I'll take Ariel, Century Gothic... Hell give me Times New "I have no imagination" Roman. Just put the damn Comic Sans away!
- •Wearing Bow tiesToday I saw a lawyer on tv wearing a bow tie and I immediately wanted him to loose his case. We are not in Pee Wee's playhouse! You are not James Bond! Unless you are staring in a barber shop quartet or working at 1950s ice cream shop wear a Neck Tie!...small addendum to this is that if you are over the age of 65 you can wear all the Bow Ties you want...ADORABLE!
- •Have large pythons as petsYep allow me to pause for those that are shocked and awed by me for marginalizing an entire species....done? Good. I don't like snakes but that isn't the point. If your in high school and you want to feel like a badass fine! Get yourself a baby Python and impress your friends. If you are a grown adult then owning a snake has moved from a fun talking point to a codependent relationship with an animal that is silently waiting for you to leave his cage open and fall asleep so he can strike!
- •Wearing Rope BeltsIt's true I am not a thin man and yes a rope belt would be lovely for my fluctuating waist...so what stops me? Self Respect! Rope belts are great for growing kids or an archeologist but besides that as a working professional just believe in yourself and get a black or brown belt with a buckle.
- •Eating Go GurtThis pains me! I love me some yogurt in a tube! It's convenient, delicious, and a healthy snack, I was at work and in my work clothes sucking down a gogurt like it was my job and I got a glimpse of my reflection in my computer screen. It was two weeks before I could respect myself again. A long tube of plastic decorated with fruit and animals hanging from ones lips does not a CEO make.
- •Holding Your Loved Ones Hand While drivingYes you are in love...I get it and congrats! But it is pouring rain, I'm in the backseat, we are going 70mph and your possessive self has to take one hand off the wheel to clasp the hand of a girl that you are so insecure with being in a relationship with that you have to hold her hand in a moving vehicle because you are partially convinced that she would rather jump out of a moving car then stay with you. Let her go and keep you hands at 10 and 2.