SHHHHHH

it's not worth writing
  1. just keep them in; they may yearn to get out, but do not let the words flow freely ... constant internal conflict to squeeze out a droplet of something pseudo philosophic ... using esoteric mystics to sugar coat words until they sound sweet ...
  2. I lay here on my tiny bed; legs dangle off the edges; sweat sliding around my forehead and jumping off my temples- I feel a heaviness that is not falling -As in, unlike the gravity; pulling towards the ground : I feel a pushing around me, going inwards towards my innards - like a blanket squeezing my ribs tighter n tighter yet constantly loosening
  3. I can breathe- but just enough to live ... an uncomfortable feeling that never quite crosses into physical pain but borderlines it every moment ... These are just words- futile listless words ...
  4. Meaningless words that somehow carry less meaning once spoken - at least within me they can be my little filthy gems to play with and to clean - now that I let them out they are just spilt sewage at my back doorstep ... lingering stench I'm too lazy to go sweep away - or maybe I'm too nervous to sweep it into any of my neighbors back yards ...
  5. Maybe I'll just sit in my back yard with my stench consuming me because that's what I know how to do ... the most I can do now is not spew out any more filthy gems that will turn to trash ... the best I can do is to just keep it in ... my thoughts don't sound as stupid before I try to think them ...