Coming from actual text they have sent me
  1. Disease riddled
    "Yvonne has every disease"
  2. That I'm s lush and a pill popper
    "Wash it down with some vodka and you're good to go hunty!"
  3. That I'm thrifty when buying my feminine products
    "Yeah right tampax? More like dollar tree brand"
  4. That my liver might be compromised
    "Yvonne's liver has been gone for a long time now"
  5. I'm a fan of Bill Clinton
    "He likes blow jobs. Good luck."
  6. I have a colorful vocabulary
    "I have to look up some of this slang tongue you speak on urban dictionary"
  7. A motorized scooter is in my future
    "See her cruising down the street after Mo’s…yelling at people to get out of the way…Girl, she flips her hand fan as she speeds past people"
  8. "Geometry" is not my wheelhouse
    "She loves Granada island that is totally in Spain"
  9. That I'm a booty inspector
    "My ass his huge now"
  10. Big burritos follow me home
    "bitch you are always finding burritos in your bed and counter"