Requested by Nicholas Kraft
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Z2y

@Z

Best Places in Disneyland to Get Naughty

Note: the only ones I've tested are Peter Pan and Haunted Mansion. Experiment at your own risk.
  1. 1.
    Peter Pan
    Very very dark. No one will see anything so just go for it.
  2. 2.
    Haunted Mansion
    In that moment when the lights go off in the beginning, you have a good ten seconds to feel up whatever you want (consensually, though. Don't go around grabbing strangers, you perverts). Then once on the ride, you're in a little carriage with your significant other and the lap bar barely closes AND its a seven minute long ride so use your imagination. Note: @NKraft just reminded me those carriages are called Doom Buggys.
  3. 3.
    Tom Sawyer Island
    Take a boat to Tom Sawyer island and just find a cave or a cove or a bush. There are tons of secret pockets all over that island. I personally never feel safe there for that reason.
  4. 4.
    Pirates of the Caribbean
    Limited, because there are a lot of randos on the ride with you, but it's dark so I bet you could give a handjob. That's probably it though.
  5. 5.
    Casey Jr.
    Get your own little car. This ride goes really slow so I suspect you can get away with a lot without knocking your head or anything.
  6. 6.
    Mickey's house
    Lots of dark corners.
  7. 7.
    Minnie's House
    A hard plastic bed and heart shaped love seat. (You know Minnie and Mickey must be messing around here after hours.)
  8. 8.
    The monorail
    The big silver train that just goes around and around disneyland all day. No one ever uses it because it is fully pointless. Who needs an aerial tour of disneyland?? Anyway, so it's empty a lot and although I have not tested this theory, I bet you could have sex on it.
  9. 9.
    Matterhorn circa last year
    So this ride got switched up, but until recently the cars were set up so that you literally sat in between the legs of the person behind you. If you're a girl and wearing a skirt, you could actually get pregnant on this ride. Fairly certain that's why they changed it. Now you sit alone. Woooo.
  10. 10.
    So there you have it, guide to doing inappropriate things in an environment designed for children. Side note: if you are willing to get thrown out/arrested or permanently traumatize a small child, the locations you could have sex in multiply exponentially.
    It's a small world, on line for any ride you like, on one of the many benches, the finding nemo submarine, on stage in tomorrow land etc.