1. 9 out of 10 people want to murder you
  2. 4 out of 10 will actually murder you if they get the chance
  3. The person you think is least likely to murder you will be the person who murders you
  4. All the baristas at intelligentsia are secretly murderers
  5. All people who's drink of choice is white wine are secretly murderers
  6. Your landlord is 100% a murderer
  7. Same goes for your upstairs neighbors
    Satan worshipers, specifically
  8. A good 50% of your graduating high school class are now murderers
  9. That one lady who works at Tiffany's and has impeccable hair, makeup, and nails is a murderer
  10. 96% of people you met off tinder but never had sex with are murderers
  11. The ones you decided were sane enough to go home with actually are murderers and you should consider yourself lucky to be alive
    See #3
  12. One out of ten flight attendants are murders
  13. Every family secretly has one murderer
    Who is yours?!
  14. A person is a murderer until proven to not be a murderer
  15. You're welcome.