THE TEN BEST THINGS ABOUT MY FRIEND CHRIS KENNEDY

  1. 1.
    Skinny Legs
    Mmmmm baby how bout them skinny legs. Some like a boy with a little more substance but not this guy. I want skin then bone. Nothin in the middle. If you like skinny legs mmmmhmmm Chris Kennedy is your boy.
  2. 2.
    His hair smells like it was washed by shampoo
    When it comes to hair, shampoo is the best smell. That's the smell Chris has got.
  3. 3.
    He doesn't eat the crust of his sandwiches
    More crust for me! To be completely honest, he never offers the crust to me after he's done but that's besides the point. I fish it out of the garbage a couple of periods later and that sucker's ready to tumble down my gullet and into my sweet sweet stomach acid. Thanks Chris!
  4. 4.
    Is Catholic
    If you don't love the Pope fuck you!
  5. 5.
    Natural athleticism
    Once we were throwing rocks at cars because my friends and I were angry Taylor Swift won the VMA for the best female video over Beyoncé, who clearly had one of the greatest videos (of all time!). After many failed attempts by my friends and I to strike a passing car, Chris pushed us aside, a jagged clump of shale protruding from his skinny boyish grip. In one fluid motion he chucked the rock at a nearby car, where it stuck the toddler sitting in the back seat. It was the greatest day of my life.
  6. 6.
    Good at jumping
    Chris loves to show off his skillz in this field. He's really good at touching door frames and almost reaching signs.
  7. 7.
    Reads books in his free time
    He has such a vast threshold of knowledge! Let's just say it's much vasterer than mine!! I haven't read a book since 2007! As if!
  8. 8.
    Introduced me to the word "Hella"
    That was hella considerate
  9. 9.
    He's my everything
    If I were a plant, he would be my sunlight and the glucose I make through cellular respiration is our friendship.
  10. 10.
    Fire Twitter