FAVORITE MEMORIES WITH MEATBALL

  1. I met Meatball in the early 80s, when she was running the donkey show in the backyard at Pacquito's Burritos in New York City's east village.
    I'll never forget the night that frisky burro El Grueso slipped his rope and wreaked havoc down 1st Ave. By the time Meatball was up off all fours, he was blocks away, and besides she was in no condition to give chase. So I promised that horny brood of subterranean illegals working for the MTA a song and dance number to beat the band, and we snuck out the back, three bottles of Cuervo in hand. And thus began a beautiful friendship/con game. The police did have to put that donkey down.
  2. Our summer touring the Andes.
    Getting up to Machu Picchu wasn't easy, but we eventually made it, and I think that alpaca was on its last leg anyways. Poor Meatball was poppin' out 8 balls every time she did the squats for a whole month. Meatball Full Of Grace, if you will. The point is, gambling isn't a game, and long story short Atlantic City's financial collapse is really a blessing in disguise.
  3. Christmas '92
    Meaty and I decided it might not hurt to have a little good karma coming our way, so on Christmas Day we headed down to the homeless shelter to serve dinner to the less fortunate, like the saints we are. It was truly an eye opening experience that taught us to appreciate our privileges and blessings. Later, in a shocking moment, it turned out my ex-husband Stan was going through some financial problems and was staying in that very shelter wait no this is Golden Girls.
  4. Giving the roast at Meatball's first wedding
    Lotta people said a wedding is no place for a roast, but those who stayed for all of it really loved it. I mean it was really a highlight. That and the snow leopards. Shame the police had to put the one down.
  5. Giving the roast at Meatball's first husband's wake
    Lotta people said a funeral is no time for a roast. Lot of people.
  6. That one Greek salad we made.
    It was a really good Greek salad.
  7. Opening up downtown Scranton's first drag bar, Lickety Splits
    If you want your dreams to come true, you're gonna have to compromise. New York real estate calls for deeper pockets than ours, but let me tell you about the buyer's market in Northeast PA. Anyways, for 6 short weeks Meatball put on shows like nothing you've ever seen. We're talking Reno meets The Office. Why we felt we needed all those antique candelabras, I'll never know. I guess that Michael Douglas Liberace thing had just come out.