THINGS YOU DO WHEN YOUR EX MOVES THREE BLOCKS AWAY
- •Full-scale social media stalking so thorough it could be grounds for a restraining order.I'm talking LINKEDIN.
- •Watch Bridget Jones's Diary roughly 18 times.AND YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE IT THAT MUCH.
- •Find new meaning in Annie Lennox's underrated 1994 hit single, "No More I Love You's".Duh buh duh buh dip dip dip, ah.
- •Go to the gym and attempt to ride that mean hog of an elliptical until you are essentially a different person."I'm gonna walk myself back to the woman my mother thought I was." -Cheryl Strayed and YOU
- •Engage your roommate in conversation designed specifically to give them opportunities to tell you you look FUCKING AMAZING RIGHT NOW.You're having an incredible year.
- •Dress ON POINT for absolutely everything.Even those trips to Dunkin Donuts. Nothing says THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY like a sensible egg white flatbread.
- •Essentially become a hybrid of Stuart Smalley and Viola Davis from The Help.I'm good enough, kind enough, smart enough, important enough... And doggone it, people like me!! Not you, but people. Other people. Lots of people. Everything is fine.