TOP 10 BOOKS TO PRETEND YOU'VE READ (AND HOW)
Literature? Ain't nobody got time for that.
- •The Fountainhead by Ayn RandJust say something caustic and direct like "Ayn Rand is a total idiot!"
- •*Some* of Infinite Jest by David Foster WallacePretending you've read the whole thing is clearly bullshit. But just some? You tried, you humble son of a bitch.
- •The Bell Jar by Sylvia PlathSay something about PATRIARCHY, or if texting just send a shit ton of frowny face emoji.
- •The Corrections by Jonathan FranzenSuggest you enjoyed it despite... (make a "you know" expression 👀 that implies the reasons for not liking Franzen need not even be stated).
- •Pride and Prejudice by... shitActually I have no fucking idea what this is about, but I don't *think* it's about racism. Wiki it.
- •Jane Eyre by... Jane...... Austen. Maybe.All right, all right. It has been brought to my attention that Charlotte Bronte wrote this, not Jane Austen, who in fact wrote the aforementioned P&P. Don't screw that up, for one thing. Also, just screaming "Don't go in that room Jane!!!" should be enough to get you a pass on this one. It's a lady. There's a lady in the room.
- •To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper LeeOkay this one's def about racism. Make an observation about how they have you read things in high school that you haven't matured enough to truly grasp. You're so deep.
- •Wuthering Heights by Emily BronteThese gals had fun. A working knowledge of Kate Bush's delightful tune will provide you with enough specifics to con your way through some WH chat. Plus it's, like, a good song. If you're into that.
- •Harry Potter series by J.K. RowlingHonestly, you can't pretend you've read Harry Potter. These fuckin' nerds will sniff you out like an obese pug going after a fresh snausage, so just hunker down for a 20 minute convo about seven volumes of fairy wizard gibberish fuck all. Have a butter beer! What's a butter beer? I don't freaking know but it's a term a hear once a goddamn week.
- •Animal Farm by George Orwellidk it's basically Babe I think