The Secret Menu at "the Gap"

Most people don't know about these.
  1. Ask for a pair of brown chinos in 34x32.
    And you can take a dump in any dressing room you want.
  2. Complain that it's a little warm in the store.
    And you can walk out with one free pair of boxer briefs.
  3. Grab three Oxford shirts and rub them together.
    Ten minute orgasm.
  4. Sing along with one verse of a Vampire Weekend song.
    Congrats, you now play bass for Vampire Weekend
  5. Ask if the new "surf wash" sweater has to be dry cleaned.
    You will shrink down to the size of a penny.
  6. Put a v neck on under a crew neck.
    You will be exiled to Gap Island where you will be hunted for sport by Arthur Peck, CEO.