this list is long and whatever
  1. This has been a very, very hard week.
  2. This week I had another bout of the "racial depressies"
  3. It's a cute little term I have coined that describes how I get when something bad happens in terms of being a black queer woman in this society
    I don't think I'm actually depressed and never have been diagnosed with depression (I don't wanna minimize the difficulties of people who actually suffer from depression) so I call it the racial depressies because it comes once in awhile and I can't leave my room and I don't want to talk to my friends, especially the white ones even though I know they just wanna help so I just end up crying, alone, unwilling to do anything but that
  4. And if I do end up leaving my house, it almost feels like a burden because I am pretending to be happy but really all I can think about is black death and violence toward black people and how I never want to have a child because they'll be black and sure I'll have extra guac on this burrito bowl sir no I don't feel fucked up in the head at all
  5. Even though the bad thing that causes my racial depressies isnt always national news, this week it was the murders of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile caught on camera
  6. The fact that these videos of black death have been shown again and again on television is SICK and psychologically horrible for all black people who have to see that shit
    Yeah these murders probably never would have been big news without the footage but the fact that news channels show them over and over and people on FB share them over and over without consideration of black mental health is fucking atrocious
  7. Anyway, the coping and healing has to come because life goes on and black people have resilience like no other
  8. So here's how I've been keeping sane:
  9. Reading radical books
    There's this one part of Assata where she's trying to read James Baldwin on a beach and everyone around her is having fun and talking about superficial shit. She says, "I go back outside feeling like I'm from another planet. I feel lonely and serious. Something has been happening to me, a change that has been a long time coming. I want to be real." THIS IS SO REAL. Knowing that other amazing black women have gone thru the same things helps a lot.
  10. Social media, kind of
    I was tryna do the whole 'social media cleanse' thing just to have more time to do other stuff, but it got to the point where you start being out of the loop and also in online black spaces black people really come together to grieve during times like these which is really healing. Such a double edged sword bc of racist people online that dont give a fuck about black lives that drives me further into the racial depressies but still
  11. Being with your loved ones
    It's good to spend time with other black people because when youre trying to do fun things you at least know what's on the back of their minds too. Unfortunately some of my closest black radical activist friends are two hours away from me on our college campus. That really fucked me up this week
  12. Protest/Direct Action
    This is what really got me out of my sadness
  13. Yesterday I joined hundreds of other protestors in Chicago to shutdown the Taste
  14. We ended up blocking off many major streets of Chicago
  15. Do you wanna know why I like protests where we shut shit down?
  16. And yell at police but also many bystanders who are just trying enjoy the many samplings of the taste of Chicago?
  17. It's because every waking moment, even when I'm trying to do something fun, I have to think about the killings
  18. And I wanna make everyday white people think about it too
  19. Because they are as responsible and complicit in this white supremacist system as the cops themselves
    Through their silence, through their #alllivesmatter, through their general inactivity they are COMPLICIT. The murders ARE YOUR FAULT
  20. So yeah shouting "You can't stop the revolution!" with hundreds of other people,
  21. exhibiting uninhibited rage at sneering asshole cops,
  22. running disruptively through the streets ruining the white person's fucking day who was just trying to get to their hotel but couldn't because our protest blocked their taxi
  23. brought me more JOY and FREEDOM than any good restaurant or beach day or dumb movie or any normal fun shit could have brought me
  24. It makes me feel visible in a world where white people would rather have me be silent and invisible
  25. And that's how I've been coping
  26. I'm not gonna stay off anymore bc I missed a lot of good content from the black women on this app that couldve helped and that made me sad
  27. I'm back bitches whaddup