HOW TO GET ALCOHOL WHEN YOUR 21 YEAR OLD ROOMMATE WENT HOME FOR THE WEEKEND

  1. Option 1:
  2. Go to Walgreens
  3. Brandish a large knife
  4. Slash your leg
  5. Scream for help
  6. Insist that the only solution is a bottle of vodka to cleanse the wound
    *IMPORTANT* refuse any bottles of rubbing alcohol and divert confusion by screaming "HURRY I'M LOSING BLOOD"
  7. Grab the bottle someone is handing you
  8. Run away
  9. Shit you can't, can you?
  10. You slashed your leg
  11. Fuck, now you're bleeding and so so sober
  12. This was such a dumb fucking idea
  13. Who came up with this?
  14. Continue to bleed
  15. Lose vision
  16. Pass out
  17. Wake up in the hospital
  18. Your mom is there and she's PISSED
  19. Try and explain
  20. Fail
  21. Live the next six weeks limping in bandages
  22. Option 2:
  23. Ask a different friend