Today, I ________.

  1. Ate enchiladas.
  2. Climbed Trump Tower with suction cups while the world watched.
    Posting for a friend.
  3. Wore a cardigan over my Andrew W.K. costume.
    Suggested by   @jeremysomething
  4. Humbly apologized to the Gods of Baseball
    Suggested by   @andersun
  5. Mercilessly clogged a Denny's toilet
    Suggested by   @MaxBadNews