Things I feel guilty for

  1. Still using the HBO.go login/password I stole from a one night stand even though I now have my own account because I'm too lazy to sign out and sign back in
  2. At the DMV: thinking if I continuously fart, people will be compelled to leave so I can be helped faster
  3. Only getting drunk so I have a socially acceptable excuse to eat an entire pizza by myself
  4. Moving my hands really fast like it's sign language, so he will think I'm deaf and stop hitting on me