THINGS I'M AN EXPERT AT THAT OTHER PEOPLE DON'T KNOW (OR COULDN'T GUESS)

  1. Wrapping presents
    CHRISTMAS
  2. The fundamentals of Mormonism
    Courtesy of cousins from Utah
  3. Cooking salmon
    Bake it!
  4. Faking knowledge of music theory
    Thank you, years of musical theater with no formal training
  5. Crafting
    Can't draw, but can scrapbook the shit of anything
  6. Rolling joints/cigarettes
    Realizing now that this is the third secret skill to involve artfully manipulating paper; may consider taking up oragami
  7. Perfect cat eye with liquid eyeliner
    Draw the bottom line of the wing first, from the outer corner of your eye. Then draw from the tip of that line to about 1/3 of the way into your lash line. Fill in the triangle, draw a line from the inner corner of your eye that smoothly connects to the triangle. Practice makes perfect.
  8. Intuitively knowing my way around Target stores across the country
    #marketable