REASONS I DO NOT WANT TO GO OUT TO A BAR ON HALLOWEEN

Or NYE for that matter
  1. I have to worry about what I'm wearing
    Because damnit, it will be witty
  2. I will have to figure out how to get there
  3. Metro will be mobbed
  4. Uber will be surging
  5. Taxis will be nonexistent
  6. I will get to the bar and have to wait on a long line
    There will be girls complaining they are cold because they wore next to nothing at the end of October
  7. I will have to pay an absurd cover charge
    I will have forgotten to bring cash because cover charges are stupid and will therefore have to feel like that girl bumming from a friend
  8. It will be hot and crowded
    Someone will be wearing a huge bulky costume they thought was funny but is really just inconsiderate to those surrounding you
  9. It will take me 20 minutes to elbow my way to the bar
  10. I will open a tab because it seems faster
    They won't give me my credit card back right away
  11. I will get my overpriced drink
  12. I will finish it in 5 minutes and have to get back on a long line
  13. I'll wish I had pregamed
    I did not want to because I'm not in college anymore
  14. Someone will step on me
    In high heels
  15. The bathroom will have a long line
    Made longer on Halloween because of costumes
  16. There will be a slutty eeyore crying in line
  17. Someone will likely be getting sick in one of the two stalls
  18. I will need to burn everything I wore out
  19. I'll have to fight my way back to my friends through people grinding or making out
  20. I'll resume our conversation about who knows what because the music is loud enough for Helen Keller to hear the lyrics
    Sorry I'm going to hell
  21. I'll get somewhat drunk before having to leave
  22. I will forget to get my credit card
    Or just not want to deal with the drunk mess of people closing out
  23. There will be drunk bros in the street
    Because the laws of traffic do not apply to them. Your top gun costume does not make you an actual badass
  24. I will have to fight to get a taxi or pay 5x surge
    Some drunk girl will yell at me and say I stole her taxi
  25. I will get home feeling like I need a shower
  26. I'll wake up somehow hungover despite not having drank a lot
  27. I will never do it again