The World's Most "Interesting" Creature: the Customer
The chronicles of the weird shit that people do when they think "the customer is always right."
- •Feeding Habits: The act of hunting and gathering sustenance for the irritable Customer is one inspiring wonder, awe, even disgust. The Customer can consume three times a human child's body weight before allowing its offspring to clean the scraps. Though the offspring begs for nutrition, the mother Customer replies, "Not before I've had some!"I actually saw this shit happen! My fiancé and I were at the zoo on a hot day. A mother and her two children were waiting in line at the entrance to the cafe, standing in the hot sun. Her recently-grown-into-big-boy-pants son asks her if he can have some water. She angrily replied with, "Not before I've had some!" Are you serious, ma'am? Your child is thirsty standing in the sun on a scorching day. Are you that selfish? I hope he gets all the water he desires and you dry up into a husk.
- •The Act of Mating: the Customer is a very sexual creature. With no regard to surrounding or public decency. Typically, a pair of Customers can be found playing tonsil hockey in the back of a department store or dancing the horizontal tango on an apartment couch when the pizza delivery guy arrives.I used to work as a pizza delivery guy. I had a delivery to an apartment complex that our store frequented. 'Twas a normal weekend evening, the tips were flowing and I was making my beer money. I arrived to the door. The man standing at the door looked normal, PJs and a t shirt, but then I look behind him to a room filled with cameras and two naked people sitting on the couch! A petite young white woman and a massive muscular black man. I delivered to a damn porn shoot! Not the "tip" I wanted!