Because everyone needs to be in tip top shape for parka season!
- •JazzerciseBut with a gallon of milk held between your teeth and instead of leg warmers terrified cats
- •LiftingBottles of wine to fill up empty kool aid jammers pouches with a funnel so that your children can go to badminton practice with no fear of judgment from the other kids.
- •RunningA small underground business. Why do you ask? You need something? First you're gonna have to prove your loyalty to the family.
- •KickboxingFind a bunch of boxes; milk crates even. Stack them to appropriate desired height. The rest should be quite apparent.
- •CrossfitThis is something southern moms are particularly good at. How many disturbingly gruesome depictions of your lord and savior being asphyxiated in his own blood can you jam on the walls of every single hallway in your residence? Only that many? I thought you wanted to be saved from eternal damnation.
- •Self ImmolationWhat better way to get hot than to literally light yourself on fire?