EXERCISE CLASSES

Because everyone needs to be in tip top shape for parka season!
  1. Jazzercise
    But with a gallon of milk held between your teeth and instead of leg warmers terrified cats
  2. Lifting
    Bottles of wine to fill up empty kool aid jammers pouches with a funnel so that your children can go to badminton practice with no fear of judgment from the other kids.
  3. Running
    A small underground business. Why do you ask? You need something? First you're gonna have to prove your loyalty to the family.
  4. Kickboxing
    Find a bunch of boxes; milk crates even. Stack them to appropriate desired height. The rest should be quite apparent.
  5. Crossfit
    This is something southern moms are particularly good at. How many disturbingly gruesome depictions of your lord and savior being asphyxiated in his own blood can you jam on the walls of every single hallway in your residence? Only that many? I thought you wanted to be saved from eternal damnation.
  6. Self Immolation
    What better way to get hot than to literally light yourself on fire?